When I see straight couples, I begin feeling…
jealous.
I’m jealous that they never had to hide their sexual orientation from their parents, from their best friend…
and even from themselves.
I’m jealous of events and feelings that they never had,
but also of ones that they take for granted.
I’m jealous of all of the times that their parents ask about how the other is doing.
“Would she like to come over for dinner?”
“Is he still sick? How is he feeling?”
I’ve been jealous of other girls all of my life due to a variety of reasons.
Whether it was her long blonde hair or her size two jeans.
I wanted what she had.
So after going through a windy road of self hate, self rejection, and self discovery,
I found out that it wasn’t just because of their perfect hair and bodies that made me spite them,
but because their life was guaranteed easier than mine ever would be.
All because she has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend.
I long for those embarrassing talks on the phone that she has with her mom.
Telling her how in love she is
and how they met.
Answering questions she never thought she would.
Blushing when her boyfriend is brought up in discussion ever so casually over dinner.
Asking for advice.
Texting pictures of their date.
And I may not be straight but I’d go straight to hell as long as I got to be with my other half for the rest of my life.
I don’t have to be like everyone else in order to be happy.
I don’t have to be like her.
I just have to be like me
and be the best and truest me I can be.
It’s ok to be myself.
It’s ok to be different than her.
It’s ok.
