It is a natural human thing to have expectations of a relationship. Rarely are these expectations noticed when the oxytocin flood states in the honeymoon period of a relationship are in season but they soon take hold after those chemicals die down. These desires are always present, and rarely educatedly created or decided upon. We have them from our parents, our dreams, our socialization, random parts of our life. As a relationship goes further, our emotions surprise us or control us without us being cognizant in their actions yet we trust them wholly and without question.
Finding out these expectations and critiquing them is a high sign of an adult relationship, that of maturity and one based in logic with planning and forethought. The normal way of finding these out is by messing up in young relationships. But one can go with a few and still be unaware or one can find theirs without ruining a good love. My suggestions to figuring these out is to look upon your parents, first off. Note their behaviors in problematic situations, incidents of their relationship you noted failure or highly enjoyed. Compare their relationship to your ideal one… oh and get one of those. Essentially plan a good relationship, walk it out in your head with your heart strings tied to the riding car. Examine friend’s relationships or your favorite from books, TV, whatever could have excited or scared you. Now, realize that you probably can’t handle this emotionally even though you have it figured out. Those stupid chemicals in your brain are still going to flow but your mind is different from your brain. You can make decisions past that.
Without knowledge of what you want and expect out of a relationship, you’re flying high on a lot of chemicals in a very important ship without any clue what’s in front of you. And it will hurt if you crash.
