Lives are run by conversations. The interactions we have with people are directed by what is allowed in our conversations. The new dynamics of a chit chat change the dynamics of a relationship and thusly of our lives. Creating different conversations is how we change our lives in the simplest of ways. What is said in a conversation is what the world knows about us an how we express ourselves. Even if we have amazing things inside, the world can’t read our minds and neither can pretty girls or sexy men or bosses or investors or our kids. What a conversation says is how we make ourselves known to the world how we define our roles in the world’s eyes. This is heavy for it is both depressing and freeing. We can change everything about a day by redesigning the conversations we have.
What makes a great conversation? Premises, roles, aims, expectations, topic choice, desires are what Im going to outline here. What people are afraid of and comfortable with will come across in the premises behind the context of what a person says. You can change what reality you create between people by examining the premises you want to present and figuring out how ideas, opinions, and responses would express those things. It’s quite self explanatory once the new premise is decided upon, easy and simple just untouched. The role you allow a person to treat you as and the role you give others also comes across clearly in who is dominated, offended, directing the conversation and how one responds. If you want to be seen as someone important in another’s life then do not fret or jump at the possibility of NOT being seen that way but be relaxed and speak up, speak calmly, collected, and assured confidence just like you know hitting the switch in your room will turn on the lights that you are important. Confidence seals things, doubt and neediness confuse, obfuscate and alienate. The aim of a person and a conversation take place in the questions asked and topic changes. Bringing up things you want to talk about needs to flow well or it will not be received well and grow. Asking questions of the person that make them answer in terms of where you want to go and engage topics of your choice allows(manipulates) people into talking about your topics and makes them feel like they’re part of it and involved. Formulate the questions in a way which will reference the person’s opinion in a way which makes their role something important and of your interest. People want to be important and valued. That is always the key in conversations being gripping and continuing. Alternatively no one will leave a conversation if they feel validated and celebrated in it. So compliment people without directly saying ass-kissy things via making them in charge but still weave the talk on topics you want to bring up. Be genuine in how you bring it up. This may sound manipulative but it is actually one of the most mind-bending activities a person can attempt. The biggest thing is always genuineness, the opposite stinks from a mile away and the real things sells love like crack but benefits like magic.
We’re bullshitting ourselves about what we want, it’s human. The normal restrictions people put on themselves are running with what they’re used to instead of what they want. We go to what is familiar instead of what is good. Making new plans is easy, simply create what your hero or some super you would do. Imagine that story then steal what they would like and be crazy enough to go after it. Familiarity is what abused kids know when they end up as adults in abusive relationships; without goals and a drag to new places, people gravitate towards what they have already known. Humans want to avoid cognitive dissonance so they, we, re-frame experiences with ourselves seen the way we want to be seen instead of accurately. It is normal to think we’re doing what is right because the mind has evolved to seek acceptance of groups and comfortability, so we don’t die when lions attack and the drought hits then the tribes says go away when you ask for food and shelter. People don’t live that simply nor is it accurate to be that afraid for safety’s need. Realize it is normal to bullshit ourselves into believing we’re doing great. But we can ask for more and we’re full of shit inherently by being human.
Create what you fucking want. Humans create a representation of themselves in their mind and that idea is shaped by how people react with it. That idea is also filled in with bullshit assumptions because we can never know everything about how people see us nor how we act in totality. We can plan it out though. How do you want to feel, what thoughts do you want to make, what sort of relationships do you want to create, what shitty ones do we make that hold us back and where are we now? Answer that to yourself.
