Being emotionally stoic is a weird kind of cool but also fairly boring. Having a positive mental state, one that is in control of itself, able to express itself successfully, understand others, and functionally seek out what it wants and solve problems, all without being damaged by the strife of life, is fucking sexy. It is strength of personality to accept blame and still stand strong or go through hardcore bullshit while being able to like the self or allow it to grow. When the rocket ship is about to crash unless you figure out the control panel codes and all the angry people who betrayed you are lashing out at you while a normal fellow’s heart would be torn, yours is strong. That is why emotional stability and the kind of personality strength Im getting at, is sexy.
Mentalization is the capacity to understand both behavior and feelings and how they’re associated with mental states not just in one’s self but in others as well. Controlling and creating awareness of our own mind and mood is how we grow without being ridiculous wrecks. It is how we make ourselves consistent and able under all pressures and new problems.
Being able to adapt to new pains while holding your own headset is a matter of focus and poise while having an open mind so that one doesn’t get delusional or stubborn. It isn’t really that much more complicated until one gives into stress and fear or excitement and the illusion of grandeur. The two main steps to this are finding a place of mind to call one’s center and be able to get back to it then the other is being able to realize when new moods and states of being arise and to accurately address them. People who have traumatizing experiences and abusive childhoods are prone to internalizing those reoccurring damaging states as their center; personalizing damage is a way to deal with confusing and horribly unexplainable events, it is a bad thing to do. Everyone has a cocky state of mind where they feel on top of the world, even it is only imagined or reached through fantasizing or ridiculous events. This, is one’s highest point and all lower points do not fully engage one’s ego or full passionate bravado needed to do the amazing things every living person is capable of. Tricky piece is realizing what part of that state of mind is overblown ego-stroking and euphoria versus what is precise confidence to fit challenging task seeking and success. Find that, criticize that down until it’s a statue instead of big block of bullshit, then center on that. This includes addressing your insecurities, resentments, failures, fears and things you’re denying that you’re afraid of. Knowing one’s expectations makes one in control of themselves. Create your expectations and find your highest center then memorize it like your favorite painting, give it definition so you can return to it completely with faith unquestioned and passion aflame. The next step is the more difficult in the moment but quicker to explain and execute.
Recognizing changing of moods can seem inhuman at points. While it is impossible to be constantly checking on your emotions to see if you’re feeling OK or your biofeedback to notice if you’re panicking, strange to track your thought patterns at a constant for inconsistencies and irrationalities, it’s easy to gauge yourself before going into a situation. Being mindful of what is going on around you AND yourself is a Buddhist tenant that essentially all high-minded people do. It’s being engaged. To have a mindset you know as a center will create this mindfulness in its own part because being out of it will be uncomfortable and strange. You should be happy in your highest place and to be out of that should arouse panic and irritation which MUST be followed with examination. The OMG FREAK OUT stuff that happens to people has thoughts that go with the emotion. Find these in your head because they’re patterns. They exist right now, no matter how you feel. Label them and associate them with a visual sign or auditory cue to scream”RETHINK THIS SHIT” or “DOPPLEGANGER” or something silly and annoying that you will notice and disapprove of. For me, it is that I become irrationally self-critical, start creating patterns of a negative state of mind, feel overly an irrationally guilty then mad at myself for not doing better or more without any real standard established. Humans are beasts of habits. If you are six years-old, then bravo for reading this and you are excused from this exercise… I can’t help you. You always get to be happy, in all moments of fear and worry and failure, hating yourself and feeling guilty is not productive to yourself. Perhaps socially to those you have wronged or let down, but not to yourself. Examine these irritants that have emotionally strangled a strong sense of self and recognize they’re occurring because you are thinking illogically. This calls for a strong space of mind to overcome, so find your highest place of emotional being then create your highest state of logical thinking. You exist, that is incredible and for that alone you get to be always happy. Everything else is momentary or fixable, or not effecting you so don’t let it affect you past that center of happiness.
It’s extremely important to remember the revere of this clause, the overexcitement. Falling in love, driving too fast, doing drugs, getting ridiculously lucky or any similar such event can make one lose themselves. Don’t do this. Being really happy is awesome but if you’re not thinking… then YOU aren’t actually happy but YOU are too high to function. The body your mind inhabits has become overwhelmed with neurochemicals in its brain and you’re now a crazy monkey. Don’t be a crazy monkey, keep your thoughts about you. Stay mindful and present so you can be sure that you are experiencing this life and not just a chemical reaction running some limps.
Understanding others is also a pivotal point as others will often trigger states of being we cannot deal with more than we will ourselves. They will be the finger on the trigger. And that is the most important analogy I’ll make this week. You fire, they pull, therefore you must be loaded for it to go off. Nobody makes you lose your shit, you have the power and they happen to push the wrong button at the right time. Recognizing what others do to us is important mindfulness in a social sense. Understanding how others jump to conclusions and to what degree they reach out to or at us is incredibly important. It would be stupid to let someone throwing a tantrum hurt our feelings. Imagine a six year-old telling us she hates us and then we go home and cry over it. That is how stupid a narcissist is, that is how stupid a bi-polar person is, that is how stupid an abusive person is, that is how stupid a bully is, that is how stupid a rapist is, that is how stupid police officers can be, that is how stupid drug addicts are. Label that and create boundaries in your mind for what and whom gets to affect you. Not everybody is allowed to be that close to you. And everybody becomes stupid at points, remember that six year-old. Again, sorry to any six year-old reading this.
