The way one critiques can become an unhealthy high if one seeks it constantly rather than uses it accurately in balance with enjoying life, being in the moment, being genuinely excited about themselves and their pursuit of their goals. Falling into a dark spiral or perpetuating an atmosphere of shit with a theme of doodoo is rather simple in contrast with how complex it makes everything seem. Life is never anything other than one step at a time and doing otherwise is missing out, often called fucking up. Everyone has to check themselves when they make a mistake. The manner in which one does that, how they go about sounding that alarm then redirecting themselves is the biggest marker because that’s the clash, the turning point in a story, the epicenter.
Figuring out how to create an appropriate error message and redirection tick is hectic. One must attack their actions, not themselves, and then encourage themselves that they are doing well to change while still remaining appropriately critical of their actions to fully hold the mistake to trial. This may be easiest with the knowledge that there is no real judgment only growth in destruction and that the process is of enough shrewdness that anger and loathing are not necessary. The “I am getting better” court trial is a very tricky mental jungle gym with many plot holes and deep traps that come up quickly. Holding yourself accountable gets confusing. Imaging a guardian angel, a savior, a hero or heroin you have, a leader, is a much better task as long as you can trust that leader to encourage and see the best of you. Creating a system where you know the world is simple, that all will make sense again and that is the natural order of things so it’s OK to feel comfortable in that flow and the critique is necessary rather than blame or blacklisting does create an open-minded court. The bigger deal of how dare you fuck up is the concept which entails blame, shame, and guilt at a cost much higher than its benefit. Nothing is that big a deal and at the end of court, as well as during, it is fine to fix things because fuck ups are childish therefore they must be treated like children. Know yourself as a higher being not in ego or brag but in essence and humbleness during this court. Personalizing this court with versions of yourself in the highest moments you have held and people you admire keeps the theme consistent and trustworthy
Being honest to how you feel and what you want creates a flow of power to yourself in that it disintegrates stress and worry held up in posturing and denial of self. If you want to punch that guy at the front gate in the teeth then examine that need. Maybe don’t do it, but definitely look at what brought it up and what is fueling it. Finding your honest desires doesn’t mean acting on them but navigating through bullshit whats pushing you certain ways until you find the set of needs which allow you to go towards your desires and have them be reasonable ones you agree with, ones that aren’t there from insecurities, bothers, or irrational crap. Answer yourself and then decide what makes sense after honestly being open to what you want to do. Attacking yourself will not help here but being open to your needs will. This is important in being critical as it cam bring a lingering resentment of yourself which then creates a disconnect with what you really want or a disregard to it. Gauge that after your critique to make sure such a motif has not stuck or if so, wash it off. Dismiss it.
