Ever since the first time I hurt myself, I have heard the same few statements over and over again.
“Hurting yourself is not going to fix anything.”
“There are better ways to get your anger out.”
“Have you tried going to therapy?”
“Just text me or call me when you feel like hurting yourself and I’ll make you feel better.”
Sometimes
I guess
Obviously
K.
I know what it’s like on both sides of the spectrum.
I know how bizarre it feels to read the messages from a friend who says she can’t handle being alive anymore but I also know how bizarre it feels to send those messages.
No one has ever seemed to understand me or my pain better than people who don’t know what’s going on.
People who see your scars on your wrists are always trying to know everything that goes through your head without coming across as nosey…
“I’m not nosey, I just care about you.”
K well either way, you’re annoying.
People who see your scars on your heart, however, will save your life.
I’m in the grocery store and I have no idea when the last time I showered was, my hair resembles a chia-pet, my forearms are burning from sweat seeping into my fresh open wounds like water into the roots of a tree…
And all this girl has to say is, “Hi, how are you?”
Fine.
“Did you find everything ok?”
Yes, thank you.
She looks at all of my groceries and proceeds to ask what I am making.
I tell her that I am making a dessert for my friends baby shower.
And just for two minutes, she treats me like a normal person.
She asks me about 10 questions and none having to do with my mental health.
She has no idea what the inside of my sleeves look like, she has no idea that I just cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes, she has no idea that I am severely depressed and nervously searching for a place in this world…
All she knows is that I bought a bunch of cool whip and fruit.
People always say that “talking about it helps”
But I don’t always agree with that statement because feeling like a specimen does not help.
Being treated like the crazy person that I feel like does not help.
Having someone ask me “what’s wrong?” twenty times does not help.
Being treated like a normal human being…that helps.
Having someone ask me how I am without having a predisposition of what my answer should be or is going to be…that helps.
Talking about cool whip and fruit… that helps.
Moral of the story: eat your fruits & vegetables.
