Abused people are beasts taught that randomly pain will come and their worth nor work can change this. Unlearning this is required for a good relationship, be it romantic or business or friendship. It is often developed to a manner where it’s never addressed but simply comes so naturally that one assumes it is normal. In this case, realizing it is present and a problem becomes a manner of examining the world around you minus yourself. Literature is grand for this and a great grinding stone to the “what would I do if [blank] happened” question. It brings up ego, insecurity, rational grasp of ability, trust, and setting logical and emotionally fair expectations.
What bothers you, or who can make what bother you and feel lesser? Though big things will presumably hurt your ego and sense of worth, it is important to hold a sense of self outside of achievement or ability. You are important and good simply by existing. The counter sense to this is that you are worthless until proven otherwise. That scheme creates an awful sense of mind and world while priming thoughts of lesser worth and with no fruit to bare. However, many abused people can feel perfectly fine all the time. Normal challenges and let downs are now painful to them. It is when they get into relationships that the mind find old structures to assume old hurt and blame is coming. It is important in relationships to always think high of yourself outside of what you or your close person has done. There needs to be a genuine feeling of loving yourself and value to you without them giving or you doing well for them.
Projections, presumptions of pain and mistakes that will be sustained are the root of all these problems. A person who panics is a person who projects and assumes instead of being in the moment and free to feel as circumstances give and to think at what the current states. It is safer to have a familiar and known future than it is to go randomly into the yonder since that is where one was hurt before. That pain is what the subconscious is protecting itself against and only in overblowing this can one continue to project. The route against this is to molehill your past pains and examine the damages you’ve suffered against how unrealistic the pain felt is. There is no way to dismiss what one feels, one must accept their deepest and darkest woes as they are. In this pure observation only then can one let go of it. Pretense is the killer here.
When you fail and what you think you can do; How does hearing a no or not owning up feel? People who have been abused and tricked are very often led to think their skills will falter without any reason or way around it. This feeling of helplessness is taught via abuse and reaffirmed because they care about those abusing them. It is key to realize what you can do outside the people you love is the same as you can do around them. Being able to isolate situations that you’re good at without a loved one or someone who brings up pain, and see that they’re the same as when that person is around is quintessential. Emotional momentum is a very important thing to recognize as real. Finding a comfort and running through that situation when they’re not around, when you are free and isolated will create the ability and comfort when it comes. Realizing that this stress exists takes a keen eye on yourself and being honest to the pain of past. One can be very very hurt, that doesn’t make one damaged or of any less worth. It means there is action to take and get past. Only those who have gone through intense hurt can truly make themselves. It is not easy but as soon as one admits their hurt and realizes the pain is not them, it becomes simple.
Treachery, you failing others or others trying to get you is more a misconception than a battle with a person. The sight and experience of treachery does that panic projection thing that human minds do. We see it all over the place so we can plan to not be hurt again… and in our overprotecting ourself subconsciously, we fuck ourselves literally. People think about themselves 90% of the time so treachery is rather close to impossible on the numbers. Assuming someone is out to get you takes more effort on your mind than it does on their error to get the situation limelight. Nobody is out to get you is the truth 99% of the time and it takes a very strange mind to attempt treachery. If they’re close to you, then they’re on your side. Most social beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies where people respond to positive cues. Treat folks like they are your friends and show yourself like you are trustworthy and important then only very strange and minimal number of folks will act otherwise. And repeat to yourself, they’re on my team; before and after and in your head during. Distrust must be unwound, not just unlearned.
You’re bigger than all that old bullshit.
