When a person becomes insecure, scared, feels needy or like they failed, it is quite common to run to a particular set of thoughts. Paradigms of importance and safety come to mind. This where religion helps or destroys many people, depending on the person. It is essential to understand you can evaluate your own fall back emotions as stupid and to create new ones. Doing this can be very tricky in that order so we will start in the other one and plan to use the new, good plans when shit arises and breakdown the bad ones as they appear.
How do you want to feel? The answer is simple but also detracts from everything in our society. A person gets to decide how they want to fucking feel.
Training to be comfortable with fear and pain rather than running from it. Being strong against the then even bigger giant, other people’s fears. These are simple goals. All it takes is creating an emotional space you fully understand and feel comfortable in then preparing yourself for when you fall to go into this. Watch the danger coming, remember what you have taught yourself.
Our problem as people is that we get scared and angry as a defense mechanism. Evolutionarily this helped and can still be beneficial yet there are definitely ways to construct more efficient ways to respond. A strong space of head is to realize what is at the core of anger and sadness. For anger we want change. Something has been done unfairly to us or those connected to us. Approaching this logically instead of emotionally the fit suit for such a ball is to see your end goal and those around you as wanting this too. Since it may seem a moment where you are being wronged the people and temperate about may seem hostile and antagonistic. Remember that a situation and people’s relationships are what you make them. You are going to get what you want, that is the only real truth and anything else is as nonsensical as peeing in your own face; my apologies to readers who are golden shower enthusiasts. Passion is important but not random spewing intensity. Speak with full confidence that your way will succeed and remember that patience is a tool but so is being prompt and forward. Sadness shows you have started too much at the negative outcome. Get mad about that and then redirect your passion into this powerful place of confidence and dauntless faith.
Many times in relationships people get hurt or give us something new that scares and confuses. The poor reaction is to assume you can’t deal with it so you get defensive and go to battle. The smart move is to play the listener and ask more questions. People become disarmed by genuine interest at their backstory. It compels a soul to have an audience far more than a victim. Jumping to fight will not assist you while moving to understand side-steps the fight and kerplunks one into the throne room.
There’s a great song that sings,”its always those who try and help who hurt the most” and it is sadly true too often. Those trying to help others are not focused on themselves but quite often trying to fix their own problems by projecting their idealized cures onto others. People who truly want to help you, want to understand you first. The simple ram a fix is more of making themselves feel better. The more complicated way of getting messier is by someone who both wants a pain comrade, to commiserate, or to ignore their pain by helping you. Sadly, they can’t get away from theirs and the answers they give will fall into answers they think would work for them. It’s a forced empathy with too much escape or pain blinding them. Be wary of this over the top mothering or defending, it can help in a pinch but the long run will leave you atrophied and pain obsessed then probably confused and illogically wired. Only you can ever really help yourself. It is impossible to do anything without other people’s help but when that help comes with the theme of an overwhelming world of doom to escape or idiocy or anger, that’s broken help. Never lose yourself to a leader or their message. The best way that happens is when the fallen think its help.
The next is bullying, nagging, controlling and all else that falls under disrespectful condescension. For this one must keep their sight clear and stay poised. If you end up bending over backwards for someone else, you’ve become dishonest to yourself and thus any good work you do for someone else means nothing. Pursuing the goal for them has robbed you of what you tried to give them. Deciphering if someone really wants your help or is being honest is a tough bit of business but keeping yourself true is never negotiable. And that is the key with these folks. See your goals, see what you wants, ignore their bullshit once the stench has plumed undeniable. Trying to dance with the devil isn’t always a bad thing but when one starts being dishonest to themselves the dance has no soul and is more of a flurry than anything beautiful.
Beauty is really the key in all of this. If something feels disgusting then its not for you or of you, so don’t fucking buy into it. At the end of a fight of any kind, you should get to hold your head high and like you. That’s the goal, self-realization and mindfulness during times of chaos. The story works without you and while you may be in it, only you can change you. This is strength of character by virtue of proof. Pick who you really want to be and weigh it against the falling worlds to make it official. When fire reigns, love yourself instead of panicking and attacking others.
