I was walking back from work when I realized that I was scanning my surroundings in such depth that one would guess that I was attempting to memorize everything around me…
from that cigarette butt on the ground to the palm trees fifty yards to my left.
And I’m not sure if that’s what I was doing…
Perhaps I was doing the opposite.
Maybe I wanted to forget this place to make things less sad when I left.
To make things so that I wouldn’t miss them when I left.
But with you…
it doesn’t work that way.
Because there’s air everywhere and even just breathing makes me think of you…
The way you smell, the way you’ve helped me inhale my strengths and exhale my insecurities without choking…
without getting stuck on one to the point where it hurts me even further.
There’s no escaping you…
But I think that’s ok.
I think I’m ok with that.
Because I’m not leaving YOU, I’m leaving CALIFORNIA.
I’m not leaving our memories or our bond.
There’s always going to be something that catches me off guard,
that makes me sigh and think of you.
But it’s up to me to allow it to serve as my fuel, not my venom.
I’m in charge here…
and I don’t need an inhaler every time I can’t breathe.
