In life there are several obstacles we will face.
Love, relationships, even battles within yourself.
I want to take the moment to give you a taste of my obstacles.
When I was small, I always believed in true love.
The fantasy of looking into that person’s eyes,
Feeling nothing but beauty.
Being the only person in the world for the other.
But those thoughts were just that…
Only a fantasy.
For a long time I thought I found that fantasy,
Thinking it became real.
The thought of my life finally feeling that fullness.
What can I say?
I was young, gullible…
I fell into the trap love can have,
Not knowing the damages that lie ahead of me.
Those damages led to so much pain;
Mentally, physically, & emotionally.
I was hospitalized for being in love with such a toxic human being.
Suicide attempt felt like my way to prove my love for her,
Not realizing she pushed me over the edge,
Wanting me to throw my life away.
Sleeping pills felt so much better that the yelling.
But as the world went black,
The noises & pain was still there.
Sirens & the constant fading pictures are all I can remember.
Finally waking up with needles in my arms,
Confusion washed over me.
Trying to pull them from my arms,
I saw her & tears filled my eyes.
Anger washed over me,
Seeing her sitting there acting as my hero,
When really all she was to me was my demon…
My darkness I could not get rid of.
I was in hell & she was the gasoline,
My anger was the match.
A fire burning deep inside me.
Three days later I found myself in the back of an ambulance…
Again.
Seeing her in the window as she grew smaller,
Then everything faded.
Waking up I was in a mental institution,
Where the next 72 hours I spent in my sanctuary.
The place where I was given another chance,
To grow & conceive my strength & sanity.
Counting down the minutes where I can finally slay my demon…
For good.
The obstacles left me with courage, strength, & power.
It’s okay if you need to throw your “love” fantasy away,
In order to slay your demons,
You have to defeat the darkness before seeing the light.
