Every person has a core set of emotions pushing their thoughts and actions. This core is impermanent if one makes it so. As a person obsesses, focuses, fantasizes, in any way thinks a lot about and puts importance about others things into this topic does it become that core. Now what of when we are scared and angry at someone?
To be defensive or to be fanciful? It seems stronger to be ready for an attack or to do the attacking; being prepare. But if and when one is prepared, shouldn’t danger no longer be the focus of one’s thoughts, actions, emotions, motives, and self? Defensiveness can be pragmatic only when it is allowed to be finished. Because defensiveness is defending freedom, love, the ability to create. Defensiveness is not a thing on its own but an action to procreate a soul’s desires freely by stopping pain or damage. Being fanciful is the goal of defensiveness, not endless worry and battle. Standfast so one can chill out and paint.
The idea that a person who has angered us is controlling us is debilitatingly sad and unacceptable. To the human psyche, which is a biased idiot that debilitates humans fucking often. But if we keep thinking about this person and their shitty actions, that’s our fucking core emotions moving us. Effectively, that is who and what is controlling us.
So lets say we want to be “controlled” or moved by something we love. This is why I think Jesus is cool because outside of his unwanted association with the church, he’s a cool dude. My point is bringing him up is that he represents a lot of emotions and values which are good and people enjoy holding dear. So, why not make up your own personal Jesus that does that for you? I enjoy freedom, the love of adventure, connecting to people, breaking boundaries and exploring new parts of the universe in thought, land, and person. It is hard and not human to remember emotions like that in a tangible way. Humans remember other humans much better, attachments to humans or idols or totems to ideas is an excellent heuristic because of this.
So meditate on the things you love and enjoy. Put thought into the things you want, which inspire you. Acknowledge that your fears are all signs of the opposite of what you want which can lead you to more things you desire; put those into this new beast being bred. Remember what it felt like to be energetic and driven without worry even having a slight shade existing. Make that into your own fairy god mother who moves you, and get in touch with how that feels. That is your creation and thus you are you’re own driving force.
